


Lucidity

by thebesttempinchiswick



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dimension Travel, F/M, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 15:31:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1033332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebesttempinchiswick/pseuds/thebesttempinchiswick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martha hears a voice in the night, calling to her. Jack sees visions of a woman who can't be here. Donna is being shadowed by a girl in a blue leather coat, and the Doctor? He thinks he's going mad. (Leading up to AU Midnight. Reunion!Fic)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

There's no relief, I see you in my sleep

And everybody's rushing me,

but I can feel you touching me

There's no release, I feel you in my dreams

Telling me I'm fine.

>

It starts a few weeks after she leaves the Doctor. A voice, calling out in the night. No one she knew. It sounded like a woman, with a London accent. She spoke with military directness, but with a kind of hope that one doesn't associate with soldiers.

She spoke one thing, one thing only. She spoke it every time.

_Hello? Can you tell me where I am? I need to know where this is. Can you hear me?_

At first, she thought it was a dream. She would try to say that she could hear her, but instead, she would wake.

That was, until, she heard it during the day.

It was during base training at UNIT.

She drifted off, daydreaming, and heard the voice. Calling to her.

 _I can hear you, this is London._ She said.

_Martha? Who are you talking to?_

Her friends look at her, wondering what had caused her to speak such a strange thing aloud.

But the voice hadn't heard her.

She does what little she can do. She sees every shrink in the phone book. She tries meditation, sleep therapy, sleep studies. The meditation almost works. She can feel the woman's presence, but she still cannot speak to her.

She decides to go to Jack.

>

Jack knows this can't be real.

She started in his dreams.

But he'd had dreams about her before, so he didn't pay them much attention. Until she keeps appearing to him, the same dream, over and over.

_Jack? Is that you? Where am I? I need to know, the equipment's broken, can you hear me? Hello?_

And then it fades to black.

He wakes up with a start, every time. Sometimes Ianto wakes up, and he tells him to go back to sleep, it was just a dream. Sometimes his lover sleeps through it, leaving him to wonder whether it's really a dream at all.

He knows it's not a dream the day he sees her standing in a clearing during a mission.

She looks around, confused, as if a pane of glass separates her from the world. She is lost.

She doesn't see him, but he sees her. His knees buckle and his heart pounds in his ears. Time slows down so that her hair, shorter now than last time he saw her, whips in slow motion as she turns her head.

 _Jack? You alright?_ Asks Gwen. She noticed his staring.

He looks at Gwen, and then back at the clearing.

She is gone. More than that, it almost looks as if she were never there.

_Did you see a girl standing over there? In the grass?_

_No, don't be silly, Jack. Of course not. We're the only ones here._ Is Gwen's answer.

That night, he is confused. He lost her a long time ago. He allowed himself to grieve when he saw her name on the list of the dead. He got his closure when he learned she was alright, and he accepted that he wouldn't see her again.

So why was this happening? Had he been drugged? Or was he just an old man, going mad?

He tries to tell himself it will be fine, but every day he is less and less convinced. Less sure of his own sanity.

>

The first time Donna sees her, she asks her to tell her mother that she put her keys in a trash bin.

So when she gets home for a visit, and finds out her mother had to have the keys replaced, she's not all that surprised.

But she keeps seeing the girl.

She sees her on different planets, in different times. Wherever, whenever. She fears she's hallucinating, becoming obsessed with a random stranger.

When she does see her, its never for long. A flash of a blue coat, a streak of blonde hair, and she is gone. She's always running, appearing and dissapearing like a shadow.

She never hears her speak.

It starts to get worse. She thinks she sees her on the TARDIS monitor one day, and almost tells the Doctor, but she is gone before the words can form in her mouth.

Stop it, Donna. She says to herself. Enough is enough. You're not mad, you've just become obsessed with a random, flighty blonde from the city.

She resolves to go back to that trash bin next time she's there, to look for her.

That night, however, she has a dream.

She dreams she's standing on the banks of the Thames, and paramedics have taken a body away. Something fell out of the corpse's hand, but she can't tell what. It's as if there's a film over her eyes, blocking certain things from her view. A man speaks into a walkie-talkie. The dead man was a doctor.

The woman runs up to her.

_What happened?! What did they find?! I'm sorry, did they find someone?!_

She thinks for a split second, long enough to see the urgency in the woman's eyes.

_I don't know. A bloke called the Doctor or something._

_Well, where is he?_ Asks the woman.

_They took him away. He's dead. I'm sorry, did you know him?_

The woman turns away. She can see emotion shutting down behind her eyes, compartmentalizing.

 _They didn't say his name. Could be any doctor._ She says by way of comfort. This only affirms the woman more, so it appears.

 _I came so far._ Is the woman's soft response. If she had known her, she might've called it broken, but you can't break something if you don't know how. She doesn't know how this woman breaks, but she can take a guess.

The woman's head snaps up.

_This isn't real._

_What do you mean?_

The woman turns to face her. _You're Donna Noble. And this isn't real. Tell me, where are you, Donna?_

The word "London" bubbles up under her lips, but before it can roll out over her tounge, her memory is jolted back.

_I'm asleep. I'm on the TARDIS._

The woman breathes out, but the worried look on her face does not subside.

 _How do you know my name?_ Asks Donna.

_That doesn't matter now. Please, Donna, warn him. Tell him I need his help. Tell him this:_

The girl spoke, but it sounded like music. Like whispers.

When Donna woke up, she could barely remember the dream at all. She only knew that the woman was there, and that she really needed help.

 


	2. Chapter 2

The Doctor thought for sure he was mad.

After a thousand years, he had finally cracked.

He heard her voice. He saw her face. In dreams. Nightmares. Everything in between. He always had, especially after she had left. In the days after she had gone, caraphernelia had set in and he often found himself among her belongings.

But weeks ago, he had begun to see her by day. And that was terrifying.

She could not be real.

She could not be here.

He was trapped in his mind, and his mind was filled to bursting with her.

>

_Jack? Are you in here? It's me, Martha. We need to talk._

Jack shook himself awake. He had been experimenting with his hallucinations, trying to get them to fade. 12 hours of sleep a night had made them all the more vivid (and scared Ianto quite a bit), so his newest thing was caffeine. The no sleep, all coffee diet. So far, no results. He'd been doing it for 4 days, and anytime he let his mind wander, there she was.

He gets up and greets Martha with a hug.

_What's up, Miss Jones? Come for a social call, or is UNIT in need of a professional opinion?_

_Martha smiles at him. Actually, its not UNIT. I need your help, and no one can know, okay? I need it to be between us._

He's worried, to say the least. Martha was the stable one. Next to his flirting and raunchy jokes, and the Doctor's giddy energy, Martha was the calm one. So he's worried.

_I'm all ears._

The phrase still brings back memories. Of a time when he was human and Mickey was an idiot and his two best friends were alive and in love, though it took them awhile to admit it. Memories of the glory days.

Martha speaks. _I've been hearing a voice._

_You've been hearing voices? Geez, Martha, that might be a little above my pay grade._

She shakes her head. _Not voices. A voice. A woman's voice, London accent. I started dreaming about it, but now I hear it during the day, too. She says the exact same thing, every time._

_What does she say?_

"Hello? Can you tell me where I am? I need to know where this is. Can you hear me?" _And sometimes she'll say something about her equipment being broken, whatever that means._

He hopes the color isn't draining from his face as visibly as he can feel it. He thinks that if he wasn't sitting down, he might have fallen.

_Jack? Are you alright? Can you hear me?_

The voice is not Martha's.

>

When he whips around to face her, she is gone.

_Jack, what's going on?_

This time it is Martha.

_Didn't you hear her just now?_

_Yeah but... She was calling to you._

This is when he breaks. Because it can't be real, yet it is. And as soon as it is, she is gone.

_Jack... Do you know her? Do you know what's going on?_

His cheek is warm. He touches it, and realizes he is crying.

>

Martha stares at the man before her, who looks so dazed it makes her want to panic.

_Jack.. Do you know her? Do you know what's going on?_

He is crying. He touches his cheek when he realizes it.

_It can't be, it can't be, its impossible. I'm crazy. We're crazy. How can you see her too?! You never knew her, its not grief, what is it?!_

He puts his elbows down on the table and rests his eyes on the heels of his hands.

_Jack, who is she?_

_I've been seeing her, Mar. I've been seeing and hearing her._

_Did you know her? The woman who's speaking to us?_

He looks straight at her, and in the weakest voice she's ever heard out of such a strong man, he says

_Her name is Rose. Rose Tyler._

>

Donna wonders why she didn't go to the spa. It would've done her good, calmed her down.

Then again, that would mean leaving the Doctor alone on a train that has now broken down, with a woman repeating things in the back.

The lights go out. The Doctor is trying to calm everyone. But she is facing the screen behind him. And a voice, clear as a bell, comes out of the speakers.

_Doctor! Doctor! Can you hear me?_

Donna hears a broken scream.

It is her own.  

It is the woman on the screen, the one who has been shadowing her, calling out in her dreams.

The Doctor is frozen in place.

He looks at Donna.

_... Can you hear her too?_

_She's been following me. Us. Not following. Shadowing. She's there one minute and gone the next. I don't know who she is, but she knew my name. She calls out to me, in dreams. Always wants to know where I am, where she is. Says her equpment's broken. I thought I was going off the rocker._

He doesn't speak, only stares at the back wall.

Doctor, who is she? What does she want.

He sinks down into a seat, still staring.

 _Impossible. No. No it's impossible._ He says.

_Doctor! Who is she?!_

His head snaps up. He looks at her like she is made of smoke, and he can see through her.

_Rose._

>

He doesn't remember what happens next. He remembers Donna pushing him into the TARDIS, and he set the controls for Earth. Torchwood. He needs to see Jack.

He needs help.

>

He locks eyes with Jack as soon as they arrive.

_We need to talk._

Jack motions to a few chairs.  

_We do. All of us._

Martha is there within minutes, and they don't waste any time. They've all been hearing voices and seeing things. But what is it? Group hallucination? No, the other people on the train saw her too.

 _We can't all be bonkers._ Says Donna, with a slight shake of her head. _Martha and I didn't even know who she was._

 _Donna's right._ Adds Jack, looking at the Doctor. _If it was just you and me, sure, we'd be a couple of crazy old men. But Martha and Donna don't make sense._

 _Well we've all been seeing her in dreams first, right? What if she's accessing our subconsciouses somehow?_ Martha says. She rememberes the Master, and the chaos that followed. She bites back her worry. She'll ask Jack when they're alone.

 _A four personArchangel network._ Says the Doctor absently. _I think I have an idea._

This is how they end up in the Zero room, watching him fall into a deep sleep. He thinks that he can find her, somehow, in the dream. He thinks he can get her back.

Martha, Jack, and Donna leave, closing the door behind them.

>

 _Jack, is this dangerous?_ Asks Martha. She can't hold it in anymore, the concern that he wil do anything to find her, no matter how reckless. He always was reckless, after all. At least when she knew him.

_To him? No, not really._

_To anyone, Jack. Her. The dimensions. Anyone at all._

Jack stops. He doesn't know. They hadn't stopped to calculate what could go wrong.

This is what he tells Martha.

_It doesn't matter. We don't have a choice._

Martha is lost. _What do you mean?_

_I mean that if we can get to her, we have to. She's our family. If we can go to her, and we don't, well, how can you expect us to live with that guilt?_

Martha understands. She really does, now. If her sister were trapped in another world, her fiancé, and she just might get them back, she wouldn't waste any time.

Jack laughs. _Don't look so solemn. We'll make it out, we always do. Did he ever tell you how they met?_

Both Martha and Donna shake their heads.

 _Well, he looked alot different. Northern accent, big ears, and a leather coat. Just fought in the Time War, and had been milling about Earth for awhile. There was living plastic taking over shops in London. He wanted to die the day he met her. He was going to blow himself up, take the abomination down with him, sound familiar?_ Asks Jack, eyeing Donna.

_But when he got there, the building wasn't empty. There was a shopgirl, trapped in the basement, about to be attacked by mannequins. He had to get her out safe, so he didn't get blown up. She went home, and the next day, he found her at her flat on the Powell Estate. She wouldn't give up trying to find him after that. Ended up that the plastic was sort of using the London Eye as a giant transmitter to activate plastic everywhere. It's called the Nestene Conciousness. She saved him from it at the last second. And now, here we are, around 5 years later. It's been more for me, of course, and he regenerated into Mr. Pinstripes awhile back, but that's basically the story._

Donna giggled. _Imagine 'im after a teenage girl saves his arse! Oh, I would've paid to see his face!_

_You should hear about when her mother tried to seduce him. God, that was a story I loved hearing. Apparently, when he came to their house, her mum was in a dressing gown._

That does the trick, and all three time travelers are guffawing on the kitchen floor in the TARDIS.

 _How did you meet them, Jack?_ Asks Donna.

Over the next hour, he tells them the stories. How they met. What they did before him, Utah, Adam, the Gelth, the first time they were on floor 500 of the sattelite. He tells them how he met them, about how the Doctor accidentally brought Rose back a year late, and how Jackie had slapped him for it. He tells them about Mickey the Idiot, the Slitheen, and finally about the Games Station, Floor 500, and Bad Wolf. They laugh with him and ooh and aah at the lifetime he has told them about. The Glory Days. It seems a million miles away, now, and sometimes, he still aches to be back there.

>

The Doctor falls into a deep sleep.

He hears her calling to him.

When he opens his eyes, he sees her. They are standing in the Zero room,  on opposite sides of his sleeping form.  

He knows the sensation immediatley. Astral projection. He is outside of his own body.

_How did you do that? There's never been anyone else here before!_

He taps his head. Time Lord thing. We can do it on command.

She looks like she wants to rush at him, but she might run away instead.

_Are you really here? Can I... Can I touch you?_

And he remembers the threads of their last conversation, in which both played ghost to the other. He takes the first step towards her.

_Yes, you can. I'm here._

She steps around his sleeping body and into his open arms. He pulls her in, closing his eyes and winding his arms around her, running a hand through her hair. He is on overload. After almost two years of trying to come to terms with the fact that he would never be able to touch her again, he cannot stop now. She turns her head to look at him and their lips meet, softly at first, but then crashing, sloppy, and passion-filled.

They pause for breath, foreheads touching. They realize they have moved and are sitting on the ground, not that either of them remembers how they got there. He can't help but grin at her, and she can't help but smile back. Her smile threatens to make his hearts burst out of his chest.

When their syncopated breaths slow, she speaks.

_So, how did I get here? I've got to have a sleeping body, like you, so where is it?_

_What were you doing before you were here?_

She struggles to remember. _I think... I was... Dimension hopping._

He eyes her warily. _You were what?_

 


	3. Chapter 3

_You were what?_

_Dimension hopping. That's what mum calls it, at least. See, on the other side at Torchwood, we built a dimension cannon. It allows you to jump through the void and into other dimensions. I was working with it for a few months before this happened. I have a scanner thats supposed to tell me where I am in relation to Pete's world, but it's not working._

He looks at her like she just told him she hired a horde of Daleks to piggyback her across the multiverse.

_That's insane! That's completely insane! Dimension travel without a capsule?! You should've died, no one can survive that! Are you alright?!_

She is confused. _What? I've done it plenty of times, and I'm fine. I don't even feel it, really._

A thought takes hold in his mind.

_Do you remember where you fell asleep in this world?_

_No, no I don't._

He closes his eyes.

He knows where her body is.

He prays to whatever god is up there that he's wrong.

>

Donna's head snaps up. She remembers. She remembers her dream.

_Jack. Jack, Bad Wolf. I saw her in a dream, and she told me to tell him 'Bad Wolf.'_

>

He cups her cheek, brushing it lightly with his thumb.

_Stay in the TARDIS. Stay close to me, but stay in the TARDIS, alright?_

Normally, she would argue, but she nods her head yes.

He pulls her into his arms again, kissing her goodbye.

_I'll see you soon._

>

The kitchen doors bust open.

 _Jack! Need some help!_ Shouts the Doctor as he makes his way to the Console room. Jack, Martha, and Donna follow in his wake.

 _Where are we going, Doc?_ Asks Jack.

_The Void between the dimensions._

His head snaps up. _What?! Why the hell are we going there?!_

_That's where she is, Jack._

_That's crazy! She was in London with us!_

_Her astral body was, yes. But her physical body is trapped in the Void. She was trying to jump across, with some technology from the other Torchwood. My guess is, it malfunctioned, leaving her in limbo like this._

_But that's insane! She shouldn't be able to survive the Void even once, Multiple times? No way._

_That's the thing, Jack. If she were just a regular human, she would've died long ago. He looks at Jack with old eyes in a young man's face._

_You think it was Bad Wolf?_

_I don't know what to think. But that is most likely._

_Whatever it is, Doc, we gotta find her first._

_We'd better get going_. Says the Doctor as they plunge the TARDIS into the Void.

 _I don't quite understand. What's the Void?_ Asks Donna. Jack and the Doctor look at each other, as if saying "do you want to take this one?" It's the Doctor who answers.

_The Void is the space between the dimensions. Some people call it hell. There's no light, no dark, no sound, and no anything. It is a place where nothing exists at all._

_And that's why you two are so scared to go there?_

_Yes. It's incredibly dangerous, even in the TARDIS. I don't know how she managed to cross it even once, without a ship._

The TARDIS lurched to a stop. Jack and the Doctor stepped in front of the doors.

_What are you doing, Jack?_

_Coming with you._

_No, you're not. I won't have you killed, someone needs to get Martha and Donna home if I don't get back._

>

 _What do you mean 'if you don't get back?_ ' Interrupted Donna. Her voice rang of concern, with muted tones of anger.

_I mean exactly that. I might not come back, and someone needs to be able to fly the TARDIS._

He took a step towards the door.

Jack stepped with him.

_I'm coming with you. I can't die, I'll be able to get back, even if you can't. You don't have to do everything alone!_

The two old friends stood in the doorway, looking at each other with old eyes. Jack's shone with compassion, and the Doctor's with fear. He wouldn't be able to live if he was responsible for both of their deaths, his best friend and his lover. He was afraid it might break him completely.

_Jack, I'll go insane if I lose her today, but the both of you? There's no telling what would become of me._

_You're not insane. This isn't some acid trip, it's not a dream. This is lucidity. This is real. And I'm your family, the both of you. I'm coming with._

After some time, the Doctor nods. Jack's compassion has won out, for the time being.

_Still think you were better off a coward?_

Jack laughs, a real, hearty laugh. _Oh, definitley. But then again, I wouldn't trade this for the world._

They look at each other one last time before they step out into a pulsing darkness.

>

The Void is wrong.

It's all wrong.

The darkness pulses around them, shapes drift around in the smoke. They seem to be standing, but there also seems to be no ground. They cannot see anything farther than the shine of the Doctor's screwdriver. But if they listen, they can hear a song.

It's beautiful. Jack tries to say, but nothing comes out. There is no atmosphere here, nothing to carry sound. For a brief moment, he wonders how they are breathing, and then remembers the TARDIS protecting them.

Time.

The song sounds like time. That is all he can describe it as. It is beautiful. It is familiar, but he cannot place it, until,

No.

How can it be?

It is the song he heard in his ears the first time he woke up, back from the dead, on floor 500 of the Games Station.

>

The Doctor hasn't heard Gallifreyan spoken since the Time War.

Now, it surrounds him. The language of his people, sung by an entity he cannot see, here in the cold winds of the Void.

He recognizes this song almost immediatley. It is the song of Time. The last time he heard it was when Bad Wolf stepped out of his TARDIS, a lifetime ago.

She is here, and she is calling to him.

It shakes him to his bones.

>

He and Jack walk towards the singing. There should be no sound here, but there is. Bad Wolf must be keeping her alive, somehow. There should be no light, either, but the closer they get, the more they can see. Golden light stretches towards them, tendrils of sunshine drawing them in. It is a piece of the Time Vortex, trapped in a place where Time has no meaning.

It is almost ironic. His pink and yellow girl, who could bring light where light had never existed. The girl darkness could never touch.

>

When they reach her, the light is almost too bright to bear. It only takes the Doctor to carry her, and the longer they walk the more he can see the light fading. Bad Wolf had kept her alive through all her crossings, but it is weakening. They have to get her back to the TARDIS and to her concious mind. It strikes him again that he is basically carrying a dying star onboard his ship. In any other circumstance, that would be certain death.

But Bad Wolf had come from his TARDIS, and so it would go back. It would heal, once and for all. Rose may never be human again, part of it would always be with her, but she would be safe. They all would be fine.

They reach the doors as the light is all but gone.

>

The console room fills with an ethereal glow as soon as they step inside. Time itself reaches out of the console, up from under the grating, and envelops her sleeping form. Time's Godess, Bad Wolf, must go back from whence it came, as all things must. For now, at least. When the glow dies down, he kneels by her side as the rise and fall of her chest picks up and her eyes flutter open.

>

Warm, they've got to get her warm.

He brings her into the kitchen and the TARDIS, bless her, already has a kettle on. Jack quickly makes a cup of tea and hands it to her. He and Donna start in on the rest. She is drowsy, dazed, disoriented. It is to be expected, since she's been in the Void for such a long time. A blanket appears on the chair next to her, a good wool one, and the Doctor wraps it around her shoulders. He pulls her into his side, talking to her, keeping her alert as she sips her tea. When everyone is seated and she is calmer, she tells them about the dimension cannon. About how she jumped dimensions trying to get back, about how she found out she couldn't die. About how she got trapped, just out of reach from the rest of the world. About how she knew Martha and Donna because they existed in other dimensions as well. She smiles when she says that in Pete's world, she knew Martha personally. She worked in the med bay at Torchwood there.

They exchange stories late into the night. The TARDIS is out back into its correct dimension, everyone inside. Jack and Martha leave, and Donna goes to her room for the night.

_So, my bedroom still in the same place? That is, if it's okay for me to stay here._

He flinches at the thought that she might leave again.

 _Of course it's okay._ He says, smiling at her. _But, I think you should stay with me tonight._

She grins and cocks an eyebrow. _Oh, really?_

_Yup. You might've been hurt, wouldn't want you to be all alone._

_Oh, I'm sure._ She says, still grinning. _Purest of intentions, hm?_

 _What are you suggesting, Miss Tyler?_ He quipps at her with feigned innocence. She leans into his side, taking in his warmth.

_Who, me? I'm not suggesting anything._

His room is exactly the way she remembers it from all the nights she's stayed before. They used to switch off, whichever bed was closest. They tried not to end up on the floor too often.

The first night he'd stayed with her was after the Dalek. She'd had nightmares about them. The second time was after she saw her father die. He'd heard her crying and had come to make sure she was alright. After that, it became a pattern. The more intimate they became, first as friends, and then as lovers, the more often they stayed together.

The four poster bed looks to be the same, in the dim light, but something has changed when she looks closer. The sheets, the duvet, and the curtains were all deep blue before, and when he had regenerated, they gained gold trim. Now they were the same, but patterned with roses. Almost invisible in the darkness, but most definitley there. They covered every fabric surface on the bed.

_The first night you were gone, I came in here, and there they were. He must have noticed her running her hands along them._

She didn't have time to think of a comment before he pulled her into his arms.

>

In the morning, she was scared. For a moment, she didn't know where she was. But she looked down to see his sleeping form under her, and she sank back down into his arms. She felt as if she might never leave them. He murmured into her hair.

_Hello, love._

She smiled into his neck.

_Hello._

>

Fin.


End file.
